Taking control

I am the one who devours your dreams

A man in a mask waiting to bring you down

You have held the reigns to my life for far to long

And now I am taking them back

Come hell or high water

I will bring you to your knees

Destroying all that you love

With re-opened wounds left to bleed

You will feel exactly what I have felt

I am putting an end to your lies

Exposing you for as deceiver you are

Hate is whats inside me

And hate is what you will feel when I tear you down

I am the one who devours your dreams

You can run but there is no escape

One year ago

One year ago today was the day I graduated from high school. Its crazy to think that it has been a whole year already. I still feel like I am in school. I still feel the excitement of the approaching summer vacation and the freedom that comes with it. I could feel the end of the year approaching as the seasons gradually changed from winter to spring to the brink of summer. I guess after 12 years of school that feeling is so deeply embedded in me that it won't go away for a while.

So much has happened in this past year. Got my first job. I broke my first bone AND my second bone, which ironically happened at the same time and, sadly, the day after graduation. I moved out of my dads house. Crashed my first car. Payed for my first car. Had my first real relationship. Started college. Crashed my second car. Got my second job.Fell in love with live music. Bought my second car. Lost my first job. Been in dozens of "relationships" that lasted a few days to a few weeks. And a hell of a lot of other things.

This year has been one of the roughest, and at the same time most incredible years of my life. I have met so many people. Done so many things that I didn't see happening in a long time. I mean outside of paying rent I am essentially supporting myself. And despite all the ups and downs, I wouldn't change a single detail about this past year if I was given the opportunity.

All of this goes to show that no matter how rough things may get in your life, it will get better. I mean I was in a really bad spot more than once this past year. I mean I could have gone to jail for one little decision I made. But I fought through all of that. I stuck it out and can now say that I am happy. I wouldn't want things to be any other way.

The most important thing to remember is that there are ALWAYS people in your life that will help you however you can. It may not seem like it at the time, but they are there. I know I had my share of moments when I felt like I was on my own. But my friends and family were always there to help me in any way they could.

One of the greatest people in my life introduced me to this band last summer called We Came As Romans. At first I didn't really like their music, but the more I listened the more I began to like them. And I may not listen to them very often, but they are one of my favorite bands. Their music is all about love and brotherhood. I can honestly say that their music has changed my life. For me a good song makes me want to move and a powerful song gives me the chills. And this band is one of the only bands that can manage to do both at the same time. Thank you so much for showing me this band and all that they stand for Rachel.

"For we are nothing without brotherhood, and brotherhood is nothing without your brothers. Stay with me and see what my eyes have seen, take my hand and let me show you what it is to love"- WCAR

Age

What makes someone old? What makes someone young? Is it their age? A simple number that defines how long their heart has been beating? Or is there more to it than that?

One of the greatest lessons my dad ever taught me is that you are only a kid once. He used say those exact words to me all the time. He would say that because of his and my moms divorce I had missed out on so much of my childhood. I never felt like I had until a few months ago. I was looking back at where I have come from. And I saw just how much of my childhood was taken from me (Now mom and dad if you are reading this, don't feel bad for what happened. I wouldn't want any detail in my life to be different from what it is now). And while I sat their thinking about I suddenly thought of my great grandpa Giles. He was over 90 years old and was still playing 18 holes of golf 3 times a week. He was a living example of why you should never let go of your dreams. He was one of, if not the, happiest men I had ever met. As I sat there thinking about him I realized that he wasn't happy just because he hadn't let go of his dreams, he hadn't let go of what he loved doing. He hadn't let go of his childhood.

Age is NOT what defines if you are old or not. You are only old when you choose to be. When you choose to let go of what makes you happy. When you choose to let go of your youth. Deep down inside all of us is a little kid wanting to go run around with his/her friends all day long. Not having all the stress of adult life. And when you let that child die, you let yourself become old. 

Now I am not saying to go and act like a 10 year old every single day of your life. That is definitely only going to get you into trouble. One thing about adulthood is that you have to be willing to accept the responsibility that comes with your age. But that doesn't mean you can't do the things you love. That doesn't mean you can't keep chasing your dreams.

Just because someone is 50 or 60 or 70 or even 80 years old doesn't mean that they are "old". You only get to be a kid once, so why not make it last a lifetime?

Growing older is mandatory, but growing up is optional

Embarrassing Moments

So I couldn't post on Friday because of work and looking for a car. Also a quick note: I will be doing one post a week (instead of the previously stated 2) based off reader suggestions. If there aren't any suggestions I will come up with a topic. I may through in a song every now and then but we will see how things go.

So this weeks only request was about embarrassing moments. The requester asked me to share my most embarrassing moment and how to deal with them. So here it goes.

My most embarrassing moment is from my first trip that I can actually remember to my Dads family reunion. We went to a play in a town in Montana called Silver city. I thought the play sucked, but if I saw it again now I would probably love it. Anyways after the play they had a bunch of little skits. And for one of them an actor came out dressed as an old man and after a few minutes of messing around on stage he points at a kid in the front row and says "What are you laughing at?" Now me being in 6th grade I was super cocky. I leaned to my brother and yelled "You" into his ear so that he could hear me over the laughing. To bad for me right as I yelled it the crowd went dead silent. The guy heard and was trying to find me for a few minutes in the crowd. I didn't think he ever would, but he did. I thought I was going to die. I am a pretty shy person and all that attention on me was horrifying. I didn't want to ever remember that event for years after that, but now I look back and laugh.

Now how to deal with embarrassing moments. Just go with it. Don't be embarrassed. I mean what is there to be embarrassed about? Obviously you aren't going to get over that feeling, but if you just go with it and make the people around you laugh even more then it won't be so traumatizing. That is what I have seen the past few months of my life anyways. And there are times when you should just turn tail and run. I would get into a few of them but I am sure you are more than capable of coming up with scenarios in which it is better to just get out of there.

So there ya go. My most embarrassing moment and how I handle these moments when they happen. If you have a request for next weeks post, leave me a comment.

Song of the Week

Its Complicated 

A Day to Remember

Here we go again, another night of being bummed

I keep to myself, avoid society

And cancel plans with everyone

I know cause its just how it always ends

Our bond will break cause you can’t relate

To anyone, to anything at all

You brought your worst and I’m right here

Now I've seen it all, and it’s never been so clear

You’re not the person that I knew back then

It’s all too late to set things straight cause 

everything has been

You’re not the person that I knew back then

Lets try and act like this didn’t happen

Follow your friends like you ever had them

You still know me

Still not cut out for this sort of thing

Never want to be, caught in between

I need constant reminders of everything

So what! It’s who I am, but I think I played it off so 

well

I just hold it in, no matter how I’ve been, so nobody, 

nobody can tell

You brought your worst and I’m right here

Now I've seen it all, and it’s never been so clear

You’re not the person that I knew back then

It’s all too late to set things straight cause 

everything has been

You’re not the person that I knew back then

Lets try and act like this didn’t happen

Follow your friends like you ever had them

I won’t sleep till the break of dawn

(Break of dawn!)

I cant let our problems find me here

So everybody come on!

You brought your worst and I’m right here

Now I've seen it all, and it’s never been so clear

You’re not the person that I knew back then

It’s all too late to set things straight cause 

everything has been

You’re not the person that I knew back then

Lets try and act like this didn’t happen

Follow your friends like you ever had them

You’re not the person that I knew back then

It’s all too late to set things straight cause 

everything has been

You’re not the person that I knew back then

Lets try and act like this didn’t happen

Follow your friends like you ever had them

So I listened to this song on the way to work (honestly it was the entire album) and decided I was going to start living life a little differently. For one I LOVE helping people and two I have been thinking a lot about my future lately. And here is what I decided to do, twice a week I am going to post something on here. One will be a song and what I get from it, the other will be some topic that (hopefully) the readers suggest. I do my best to post every Monday and Friday. So with that said lets get things going.

This is one of my favorite songs by A Day to Remember. Honestly I just love the album. Its so easy to connect to. In this song it says "You still know me, still not cut out for this sort of thing. Never want to be caught in between. I need constant reminders of everything. So what, its who I am" and this line pretty much explains me. I am good at letting simple things slip my mind.

Like I said it was pretty much the entire album that got me to thinking about all this. Tons of lines that have a lot of meaning for me. Guess the album is just easy to connect to. 

Well that does it for this post. Anyone that reads this that has a suggestion for what I talk about this Friday, leave it in a comment.